Why the “Let Them” Mantra Can Transform Your Life

Have you ever tried to control how others live or act? Have you found yourself wanting things to go differently, fussing to make everything perfect? What if the solution was simply to let them be? In recent months, a new way of looking at life has been gaining attention, thanks to two words: the “Let Them” mantra. This phrase, which we are encouraged to repeat, is said to have an impact on happiness: both yours and others’! But what is it really about? How does it work? Let’s take a closer look, and maybe it will transform your life!

Mel Robbins, Creator of the “Let Them” Mantra

First, let’s talk about Mel Robbins, the person behind the “Let Them” mantra. Born Melanie Schneeberger on October 6, 1968, Mel Robbins was a criminal defense lawyer, the founder of a tech company, a CNN host, and eventually became the personal development coach we know today.

She published her first book, Stop Saying You’re Fine in 2011 followed by The Five Second Rule in 2017. In these two books, she teaches readers how to change their lives through simple actions. In the first, she explains how to reframe your brain and emotions to seize moments of opportunity and, ultimately, change your life. And in the second, she reveals how five seconds can unlock your brain to regain confidence, stop procrastinating, overcome fears, and more.

Then, in 2024, she published The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can’t Stop Talking About. This theory is what we’re exploring here.

The “Let Them” Theory

Here’s what Mel Robbins’ website says about it: “The Let Them Theory is a step-by-step guide on how to stop letting other people’s opinions, drama, and judgment impact your life. Two simple words, Let Them, will set you free from the exhausting cycle of trying to manage everything and everyone around you. It’s time to build a life where you come first—your dreams, your goals, your happiness.”

Let’s dive into what this implies and how a simple mantra could transform your life.

First Impressions about the “Let Them” Mantra

The “Let Them” mantra is a personal development tool that has recently gained popularity. As is often the case, it’s based on the idea of allowing others to be themselves, without trying to change, control, or judge them. It involves accepting people in all their complexity and letting them act in their own way, without imposing expectations or pressures.

Letting Go of Others

Mel Robbins tells us to live without expecting others to be perfect. She urges us to accept the diversity, weaknesses, strengths, problems, and successes of everyone. The “Let Them” mantra encourages a form of letting go in our relationships. It’s about letting your loved ones live on their terms, without offering our opinions – positive or negative – so they can evolve on their own. This means not projecting our ideas onto others or imagining their lives for them. We allow them to live, succeed, fail, grow, change, leave, or stay. It’s about accepting everyone’s journey.

Let’s consider a concrete example. You’re a salesperson in a perfume shop, and you’re invited to a family dinner on Sunday. Your cousin arrives, and you don’t like his fragrance at all. You could simply tell him that it doesn’t smell good to you, but you won’t say anything. You’ll let it go. Of course, if it smells really bad (sweat, food, etc.), tell him – that’s kinder for him 🙂

To give another example, if one of your loved ones hasn’t reached a goal, don’t scold them. Don’t tell them how you would’ve done it and succeeded. Listen to them without judgment.

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Focusing on Yourself

Through resonance, the “Let Them” mantra provides the opportunity to refocus on yourself. When you no longer judge others, you typically stop receiving judgments from others as well. And if this is still the case, you can simply disregard it.

Indeed, by letting others be themselves, you free yourself from the expectations others have of you. The “Let Them” mantra allows you to focus on your own well-being, without waiting for approval or the opinions of others. Moreover, by freeing yourself from others’ expectations, you detach from the pressures you impose on yourself, which helps you live more peacefully. Instead of striving to meet goals set by others or a perfectionist vision, you can now focus on what really matters to you.

“Let Them” is also an invitation to let go of situations where we have no control, such as the weather, a delay, or a colleague’s bad behavior, etc. We can’t control everything, and sometimes it’s wiser to let things unfold naturally!

It’s not always easy to understand, but it’s very simple!

• You no longer judge others
• You no longer care about the opinions of others
• You no longer pressure yourself

Instead of comparing yourself to others or acting based on them, you will focus on your own priorities and the same way of transforming your life. We cannot control the behavior of others. Rather than getting frustrated with others’ actions, Robbins suggests letting them act as they wish while focusing on our own reactions.

Strengthening Relationships

Adopting this mantra may seem simple, but in reality, it can be difficult to let go, especially when it involves our loved ones. We may feel guilty, wondering if we are abandoning those we love. However, accepting that everyone makes their own choices lightens our hearts and strengthens relationships. It’s not about giving up on love, but about respecting the autonomy of others.

The “Let Them” mantra helps cultivate more authentic and compassionate relationships. By stopping the urge to influence or correct others, we form deeper, more respectful bonds. This reduces conflicts and fosters mutual understanding. As a result, you gain more trust with others, and they feel better around you. Ultimately, it creates a win-win or give-give relationship, rather than a give-and-take struggle.

Thanks to the Let Them Theory, you’ll feel better with others, and as the saying goes: it’s together that we transform life! Finally, this mantra is also a call for kindness and living together: by living better with ourselves, we live better with others, and we build a better world.

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How to Integrate the “Let Them” Mantra into Daily Life

Integrating this mantra won’t be easy or automatic. You’ll want to judge, because that’s what you’ve been taught. But it will require breaking free from this reflex. Here are some strategies for fully adopting it:

Be Aware of Your Thoughts

First, become aware of your thoughts and reactions toward others. Every time you feel the urge to judge or impose your opinion, take a pause. Spend a few moments breathing deeply. Let the situation be what it is, without trying to shape it to your image.

Accept Imperfection

The “Let Them” mantra works because it invites you to accept what doesn’t work in yourself and others. Understanding that nothing will be 100% perfect, seeing what has succeeded instead of what hasn’t, and respecting others: this is how you free yourself from pressure.

Focus on Yourself

As we’ve seen, the mantra helps shift focus away from others and transform your own life. Instead of concentrating on others, focus on what truly fulfills you. A little tip: define your own criteria for success.

Choose Compassion

This echoes my first piece of advice: everyone has their weaknesses. So, instead of twisting the knife in the wound, always choose compassion over criticism. This attitude fosters healthier and less conflict-driven relationships based on understanding and respecting each other’s limits.

Let Time Do Its Work

Finally, one of the greatest benefits of the mantra is the ability to let conflicts dissipate naturally. Sometimes, it’s not necessary to resolve every disagreement or fix every situation. Wait five minutes, two days, or a month, and things will likely sort themselves out.

Conclusion about the “Let Them” Mantra

The “Let Them” mantra encourages a more relaxed, detached approach to life by allowing both others and yourself to express freely. In other words, it’s about recognizing that everyone is the master of their choices, and sometimes, the best thing to do is to accept. This promotes healthier relationships and a more balanced life.

So, are you ready to use this mantra to transform your life?

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