Numbers in Relationships

Numerology is the study of numbers as meaningful constructs related to human consciousness.  Numbers occupy our lives in many ways, starting with number values associated with the letters of words, especially our names.  We have the numbers for our birthday, month, and year.  Most countries have a number sequence for citizens (in the United States, it is the 9-digit Social Security Number or SSN).  Most of us have a phone number; if we drive a car, we have a number plate.  Each word and sequence of numbers can be reduced to a number between 1 and 9, and each of those numbers has spiritual meaning.

This article will explore numbers in relationships; how do the numbers for you match up and interact with the numbers of someone else?  I will write about number compatibility and number combinations to show you how to understand your number matching with the people in your life. Calculations will be done using the Pythagorean number assignments (instead of Chaldean or Gematria).  If you would like to know more about the other two most used number systems, please read my article: Number Systems and Your Numbers on AskAstrology.

Your Two Main Numbers

The two numbers we will look at are the Life Lesson Number and the Path of Destiny Number, written about in the book Numerology and the Divine Triangle by Faith Javane and Dusty Bunker (ISBN 13: 9780914918103).  I highly recommend owning a copy of this book if you have a strong interest in Numerology.

Birth Date – Life Lesson Number

Your birth date total makes up your Life Lesson Number. You obtain this number by adding all the numbers of your birth date (mm/dd/yyyy) together. In my case, it is 4+1+2+1+9+6+8=31=4. Javane and Bunker say that the Life Lesson of a number 4 is to “build a solid foundation on which to base your life” 19). Since this is an article about relationships, I am going to use my wife’s number information to demonstrate connection and compatibility.  Her Life Lesson Number is 9.  Javane and Bunker say this about a number 9, “You are at the peak of life’s expression, and must turn and show others the way” (20).

Briefly, here are all the numbers and their basic lesson:

Number 1

You are here to pioneer and initiate.

Number 2

You are here to connect and work with others.

Number 3

You are here to manifest creatively and through communication.

Number 4

You are here to establish yourself to help others.

Number 5

You are here to explore and experiment.

Number 6

You are here to take care of family and community.

Number 7

You are here to master knowledge.

Number 8

You are here to lead and achieve.

Number 9

You are here to lead by example.

Number 11 (Master Number)

You are here to inspire and lead others spiritually.

Number 22 (Master Number)

You are here to build organizations and structure communities.

Number 33 (Master Number)

You are here to produce for those in need in society.

Number 44 (Master Number)

You are here to develop the highest human and spiritual ideals.

Full Name – Path of Destiny Number

Each letter of the alphabet is assigned a numerical value.  The table below shows the values for the Pythagorean system:


My full birth name is Philip Franklin Young, so my calculations look like:

Pythagorean Calculations Example 1

My Path of Destiny number ends up being a 3.  Javane and Bunker tell me that my “destiny is that of one who uplifts and inspires others” (33).  Now, for women, the Path of Destiny number can evolve when they take on the last name of their husband.  While there is no rule of law (at least in the US) against a man taking a woman’s last name, it is rare.  But new to the question of numbers and Path of Destiny number changes are same-sex marriages, in which one or both spouses may change to the other’s name or hyphenate both last names.  For my wife, her birth Path of Destiny Number is 8 and her married Path of Destiny Number is 11.  As an 8 she has “magnificent courage and stamina, and will attain [her] goals through [her] own efforts” (34). As an 11, she chooses to evolve into a “position to where selfless service to humanity can be expressed” (35).

Briefly, here are the Path of Destiny meanings for each number:

Number 1

You are here to learn about your SELF and independence.

Number 2

You are here to find and make peace.

Number 3

You are here to uplift and inspire others.

Number 4

You are here to build and organize.

Number 5

You are here to innovate, out with the old and in with the new.

Number 6

You are here to create and learn about family.

Number 7

You are here to unlock secrets in nature and human consciousness.

Number 8

You are here to persevere and endure.

Number 9

You are here to strive for perfection.

Number 11 (Master Number)

You are here to perform selfless service to humanity.

Number 22 (Master Number)

You are here to complete important accomplishments.

Number 33 (Master Number)

You are here to carry the woes of humanity and lighten its load.

Number 44 (Master Number)

You are here to solve large scale and global problems.

Relating by the Numbers

Numbers will not make relating succeed or fail any more than being a Taurus is incompatible with Leo or the idea that Cancer will flow easily with Pisces because they are both water signs.  Healthy people make healthy relationships, and no amount of flowing energy will “fix” damaged people unwilling to work on themselves.  Our numbers and our astrology help us understand how we work, and the way we would work with someone else.

In the case of my marriage, my wife’s Life Lesson Number is a 9 and my Life Lesson Number is a 4. She is a visionary and I am a problem solver.  In a mundane way, she sees the landscaping of our garden and I want to know where to dig the first hole.  This example exemplifies the global vision of 9 and the practical application of 4.

For our Paths of Destiny, my number is 3 and her numbers are 8 and 11.  Part of my life journey involved teaching for just over 15 years at the University level where I certainly made every effort to inspire my students. My wife is a mother of three highly gifted children, all of whom she has made loving sacrifices, but sacrifices nonetheless, to support them; she is a woman of great endurance.  Also, her heart beats with humanity, which is no easy rhythm to take on.

Where I am a deck builder; she is an architect. Based on our life journeys and when we met (at 48 and 55, respectively), these are good numbers to share.

The Relationship as a Single Number

Lastly, once you know your number and the number of anyone you want to understand, you can take a final step and combine your numbers to see what the merged relationship number turns out to be.  In the case of our Life Lesson Number, we end up with 4+9=13=4, so as a couple we are working to “build something together” and provide a foundation for those around us and in our lives.

Our Path of Destiny combined number is both a 3+8=11 and 3+11=14=5.  Note that in our relationship combinations two of the sums match my Life Lesson Number and one of Path of Destiny Numbers.  This kind of synchronicity does help bind our energy together, which is great because of the hard work we each do to be the best versions of ourselves but would be tragic if one or both of us were unhappy, unhealthy, or unstable.  The 11 is appropriate since we both do spiritual advising using the tools of astrology and tarot.

The 5 is the number of our marriage, the result of her choice to take my last name.  And so, we are here to innovate, break the rules, and push or pull others into the future.  Neither of us has followed a conventional path, and being together only amplifies that energy.  A numerological assessment of our relationship proved both valuable and enlightening when we came together, and we see it playing out in our daily journey.  Now, you can run the numbers and find out about your relationships!

Philip Young

I am a spiritual adviser located in Cary, North Carolina. I earned my PhD in English from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro in 1996 and had a career in academics until 2007, when I retired to become a stay-at-home father. In 2013 I “hung out my shingle” starting my business Black Unykorn Enterprises, LLC. I provide spiritual guidance using different tools: astrology, tarot/oracle cards, numerology, and past life regression (using muscle testing). With a home office, Zoom, WeChat, and WhatsApp, I work with local clients in person and distance clients from around the world. You can read about my practice and contact me through my website:

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